i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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