I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize