Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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