Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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