I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
