I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
