Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
