Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Someone came in the potted fern
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
