i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
