hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
