Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
