i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
