dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
