Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
