It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
