My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
