No, drunk sperm still make babies.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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