I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
