How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I forget how to act sober
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