I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
