the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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