How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
