All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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