i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
