I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need water and some morals
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
