Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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