awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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