if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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