Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
is it fun? or sober?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
