Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize