My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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