how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
