saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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