that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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