I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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