Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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