I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
