I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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