went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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