all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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