Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
