It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
