Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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