please come you make the beer taste better
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
