It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
