they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
