if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
