just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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