he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
