My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
