and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
