I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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