I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
