i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
