i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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