He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
