Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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