ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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