Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
