come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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