oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Welp...herpes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
