I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize