Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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