walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
