It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize