Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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