take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
my liver is dry heaving
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
